|
In the Name of Allah, most
Compassionate, most Merciful
Becoming Muslim
Ibrahim Karlsson
I was born in an ordinary , non-religious Swedish home, but
with a very loving relationship to each other. I had lived my
life 25 years without really thinking about the existence of God
or anything spiritual what-so-ever; I was the role model of the
materialistic man.
Or was I? I recall a short story I wrote in 7th grade,
something about my future life, where I portray myself as a
successful games programmer (I hadn't yet even touched a
computer) and living with a Muslim wife!! OK, at that time
Muslim to me meant dressing in long clothes and wearing a scarf,
but I have no idea where those thoughts came from. Later, in
high school, I remember spending much time in the school-library
(being a bookworm) and at one time I picked up a translated
Qur'an and read some passages from it. I don't remember exactly
what I read, but I do remember finding that what it said made
sense and was logical to me.
Still, I was not at all religious, I couldn't fit God in my
universe, and I had no need of any god. I mean, we have Newton
to explain how the universe works, right?
Time passed, I graduated and started working. Earned some
money and moved to my own apartment, and found a wonderful tool
in the PC. I became a passionate amateur photographer, and
enrolled in activities around that. At one time I was
documenting a marketplace, taking snapshots from a distance with
my telelens when an angry looking immigrant came over and
explained that he would make sure I wasn't going to take any
more pictures of his mum and sisters. Strange people those
Muslims...
More things related to Islam happened that I can't explain
why I did what I did. I can't recall the reason I called the
"Islamic information organisation" in Sweden, ordering a
subscription to their newsletter, buying Yosuf Ali's Qur'an and
a very good book on Islam called Islam - our faith. I
just did!
I read almost all of the Qur'an, and found it to be both
beautiful and logical, but still, God had no place in my heart.
One year later, whilst out on a patch of land called "pretty
island" (it really is) taking autumn-color pictures, I was
overwhelmed by a fantastic feeling. I felt as if I were a tiny
piece of something greater, a tooth on a gear in God's great
gearbox called the universe. It was wonderful! I had never ever
felt like this before, totally relaxed, yet bursting with
energy, and above all, total awareness of god wherever I turned
my eyes.
I don't know how long I stayed in this ecstatic state, but
eventually it ended and I drove home, seemingly unaffected, but
what I had experienced left uneraseable marks in my mind. At
this time Microsoft brought Windows-95 to the market with the
biggest marketing blitz known to the computer industry. Part of
the package was the on-line service The Microsoft Network. And
keen to know what is was I got myself an account on the MSN. I
soon found that the Islam BBS were the most interesting part of
the MSN, and that's where I found Shahida.
Shahida is a American woman, who like me has converted to
Islam. Our chemistry worked right away, and she became the best
pen-friend I have ever had. Our e-mail correspondence will go
down in history: the fact that my mailbox grew to something like
3 megabytes over the first 6 months tells its own tale. She and
I discussed a lot about Islam and faith in god in general, and
what she wrote made sense to me. Shahida had an angels patience
with my slow thinking and my silly questions, but she never gave
up the hope in me. Just listen to your heart and you'll find the
truth she said.
And I found the truth in myself sooner than I'd expected. On
the way home from work, in the bus with most of the people
around me asleep, and myself adoring the sunset, painting the
beautifully dispersed clouds with pink and orange colours, all
the parts came together, how God can rule our life, yet we're
not robots. How I could depend on physics and chemistry and
still believe and see Gods work. It was wonderful, a few minutes
of total understanding and peace. I so long for a moment like
this to happen again!
And it did, one morning I woke up, clear as a bell, and the
first thought that ran through my brain was how grateful to God
I were that he made me wake up to another day full of
opportunities. It was so natural, like I had been doing every
day of my life!
After these experiences I couldn't no longer deny God's
existence. But after 25 years of denying God it was no easy task
to admit his existence and accept faith. But good things kept
happening to me, I spent some time in the US, and at this time I
started praying, testing and feeling, learning to focus on God
and to listen to what my heart said. It all ended in a nice
weekend in New York, of which I had worried a lot, but it turned
out to be a success, most of all, I finally got to meet Shahida!
At this point there was no return, I just didn't know it yet.
But God kept leading me, I read some more, and finally got the
courage to call the nearest Mosque and ask for a meeting with
some Muslims. With trembling legs I drove to the mosque, which I
had passed many times before, but never dared to stop and visit.
I met the nicest people there, and I was given some more reading
material, and made plans to come and visit the brothers in their
home. What they said, and the answers they gave all made sense.
Islam became a major part of my life, I started praying
regularly, and I went to my first Jumma prayer. It was
wonderful, I sneaked in, and sat in the back, not understanding
a word the imam was saying, but still enjoying the service.
After the khutba we all came together forming lines, and made
the two 'rakaas'. It was yet one of the wonderful experiences I
have had on my journey to Islam. The sincerity of 200 men fully
devoted to just one thing, to praise God, felt great!
Slowly my mind started to agree with my heart, I started to
picture myself as a Muslim, but could I really convert to Islam?
I had left the Swedish state-church earlier, just in case, but
to pray 5 times a day? to stop eating pork? Could I really do
that? And what about my family and friends? I recalled what Br.
Omar told me, how his family tried to get him admitted to an
asylum when he converted. Could I really do this?
By this time the Internet wave had swept my country, and I
too had hooked up with the infobahn. And "out there" were tons
of information about Islam. I think I collected just about every
web page with the word Islam anywhere in the text, and learned a
lot. But what really made a change was a text I found in Great
Britain, a story of a newly converted woman with feelings
exactly like mine. 12 hours is the name of the text.
When I had read that story, and wept the tears out of my eyes I
realized that there were no turning back anymore, I couldn't
resist Islam any longer.
Summer vacation started, and I had made my mind up. I had to
become a Muslim! But after all, the start of the summer had been
very cold, and if my first week without work was different, I
wouldn't lose a day of sunshine by not being on the beach. On
the TV the weatherman painted a big sun right on top of my part
of the country. OK then, some other day... The next morning; a
steel grey sky, with ice-cold gusts of wind outside my bedroom
window. It was like God had decided my time was up, I could wait
no longer. I had the required bath, and dressed in clean
clothes, jumped in my car and drove the 1 hour drive to the
mosque.
In the Mosque I approached the brothers with my wish, and
after dhuhr prayer the Imam and some brothers witnessed me say
the Shahada. Alhamdulillah! And to my great relief all my family
and friends have taken my conversion very well, they have all
accepted it, I won't say they were thrilled, but absolutely no
hard feelings. They can't understand all the things I do. Like
praying 5 times a day on specific times, or not eating pork
meat. They think this is strange foreign customs that will die
out with time, but I'll prove them wrong. InshaAllah!
index |
Back |
