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In the Name of Allah, most
Compassionate, most Merciful
Becoming Muslim
Celine
Salam Alekhum.
I became Muslim almost three years ago, right after Ramadan
in between the two Eids.
My spiritual search lasted over thirty years. I was born a
Catholic and found many things I did not agree with: I believe
in Jesus, but did not believe that he was the son of God, nor
that he was God. I concluded on my own that he was a rabbi,
since he was a learned Jew and a teacher. Because of this I went
and studied under rabbis and learnt the Tanakh, the Torah and
some of the laws of Judaism. I learnt the Kosher laws and the
proper way of cooking, and the rules of being a woman. It became
natural that men and women prayed separated as the women were
together. Though Judaism was not the answer for me, I gained an
understanding of its religious and spiritual ways.
I then looked into women spirituality but found that it was
lacking something, it was not always monotheistic in practice
because they believe in a Goddess, and disclaimed many teachings
by re-inventing a new way of life. I had a great deal of
problems with God being a woman since I did not believe He was a
man either. I liked the Judaic way that God was unseen and
unknown. Because of this I could not understand their teachings
but I did agree in the equality of men and of women. Because of
this I respect their search but their methods did not appeal to
me.
In 1990, I learnt about native spirituality. Though they
believe in the Creator and the oneness of the world I could not
become native - I had to find my own spirituality. I was shocked
when my country Canada went to war against Mohawks in 1990. I
fought side by side with them for about five years. I was
working but at that time I was offered a choice, I saw two paths
in front of me: one the path of God, the other the path of man.
I made a conscious commitment towards God, that I would serve
Him and use my talents to propagate His word and His message,
that is, one of Peace and of Justice through his laws.
I chose the path of God instead of that of "man" - in this
case human. When the crisis was finished after five years, God
guided me back to my spiritual roots.
Most of my life I had friends that came from North Africa and
the Middle East. They were Jewish, Christian and Muslim, but
whether they observed their religion or did not, it mattered
little to me, as I did not believe in organized religion. I have
strongly believed all my life that I should talk directly to God
and ask what I needed and thank Him for what He gave me. I also
strongly believe in the equality of men and women, and the
equality of all races in front of God and of people.
Christianity taught me about Jesus, whom I believed in. Judaism
showed me I could talk to God directly, that men and women
should worship separately, and that God had dietary laws.
Mohawks showed me that men and women were equal though they had
different obligations. Where could I find all of this. No
religion, no teachings could offer me all of this, but God was
there to guide me.
When I was twenty five years old, I met and fell in love with
a young man. He was Iraqi by birth, Jewish by religion, and
lived in Israel for many years. He came to Canada in the 1970's,
and we met and fell in love. Then there was a war in between
Israel and Lebanon. We were to get married and he decided to go
back and fight in the army. Sadly, he was killed. For many years
I kept the hurt bottled up inside of me. But Allah protected my
heart and gave me a great gift. I met a Lebanese girl, she was
Shia Muslim. She was not very religious but she was proud to be
Muslim. We talked and I told her what happened, she looked at me
with tears in her eyes and told me she lost her brother during
that same war. To this day we do not know if her brother killed
my boyfriend or vice versa, maybe they did not kill one another
that too is a possibility. What came out of this, after the
tears and the hurt is that we became very good friends, and she
helped me heal my aching heart. I also saw the horrors of war
and it's evilness, how people get hurt.
In 1995 there was a controversy in Montreal about women
wearing Hijab, so I decided to document this myself, and look
for interviews since I had a spot on the radio for about 4
years, doing Native, North African and Middle Eastern news. I
met through a friend this very kind woman, she is Iraqi - Allah
does work in unusual ways - who spoke about the importance of
wearing Hijab and what it meant to her. What struck me with her
was her deep commitment towards God whom she called Allah. I was
impressed by her truthfulness and her kindness of heart.
She explained to me what was Islam. She told me that "There
is no other GOD but GOD". Men and women were equal, that all
races were equal in front of GOD, that Jesus was a Prophet not a
rabbi, that Maryam his mother was a great example, and that the
dietary laws were less strict than in Judaism. To my
astonishment this is what I believe in. I started being friends
with her and within one month I became Muslim like her. I
recited my Shahada with her.
This was three years ago. I now wear Hijab and I am very
happy. I have gone back to University and am studying religions.
My field is Islam, and I would like to go as far as my doctorate
and become proficient in law for women, and Hadith. I am
presently writing a book about women and Islam in the 7th
century in English. I now have a radio show which I co-produce
with my friend through whom I became Muslim. It lasts half an
hour. We talk to women from around the world and from various
religious denominations. I try with the help of teachers and
religious leaders to de-mystify Islam and the message of Islam.
I am also trying to document in film the life of Muslim women
and their role in society.
Allah guided me and gave me what I was looking for through
Islam. Because of this I try to use my pen and the airwaves to
give a broad picture of all the facets of Islam and see the
unity in the diversity that is Islam.
My Muslim name is Um-Khalthum, like the daughter of Prophet
Muhammad. She has inspired me to be a good Muslim as she too was
a convert or revert to Islam.
This is my story. My first love was for an Iraqi Jewish young
man, who died stupidly in a war, my heart was broken. I was left
in pieces in Lebanon, yet a Lebanese Muslim woman started the
mending process. But my heart was healed by another Iraqi, this
time a Muslim woman, because she introduced me to Islam and
invited to become Muslim. From the pain of loss the joy of
finding a way of life that brings me closer to Allah.
May Allah guide all of those who have a broken heart. And
remember that the message of Islam is that of peace and of
harmony. Before we heal we must talk about the hurt, and Allah
does heal our hearts by putting people in our path that are
there to guide us to HIM.
Ma Salam
Um-Khalthum (Celine)
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